Thanksgiving — Becoming a Fearless Leader
While everyone is expressing their gratitude for their customers, business partners, and family members, I want to take this opportunity to thank those adventurers who make difficult decisions for themselves and become fearless leaders. I became one of those adventurers five years ago.
After receiving twenty rejection letters from the US programs I applied to, I received an admission offer from the counseling psychology program at Arizona State University. The letter stated:
“We can’t offer you the admission for our doctoral program, but we can offer you the admission for our master program. After the master's program, you can decide if you want to continue our doctoral program… we need your confirmation by…”
It was not my plan, and there would be a huge cost associated with this program.
Before I made my decision, I requested to have a meeting with a current student. Shu has been in the program for one year and decided to join me for a video call. After this call, my perspective changed.
I asked myself, “Should I go for it?”
For a simple Yes or No answer, this is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in my whole life.
The whole month before the deadline, I could not sleep.
For those who know me well, I am a very logical person. I can articulate my points well and can debate with experts on any topic with mind-boggling logic that will confuse and astound others.
While weighing the pros and cons, I thought of my own famous quote. “Every significant move, you have to have at least three reasons. Otherwise, you will give up, and end up regretting it.”
With that statement in my mind, I came up with three reasons:
- As the smog in Shanghai worsened, I worried more and more about my health as well as my family’s well being. When the smog index reached 1000 for the first time, I told myself I would do whatever I can to leave Shanghai.
- After I was not admitted to Tsinghua University, the MIT of China, I decided to follow my dreams of moving to the United States to study at a major university in human sciences in either religious, philosophical, or psychological studies.
- The 3rd big reason, a big happy shock to my family, we had Sofia. The Chinese government eliminated the regulation of “one child for one family” in October 2015, but Sofia was not legal if we had her in China. I knew there were so many challenges, but I was determined to have my lucky Sofia safely born.
With those three good reasons, I still struggled with the financial decision such a big change demanded.
I love math and I have a math undergraduate degree. What I love most about math are the decision-making models.
I created a complicated matrix to calculate the different options and their outcomes. I calculated the best outcome, the worst outcome, and something in the middle.
All three models told me it was not a good choice to move to the US as a student.
“If you can’t make a decision, then flip the coin.”
I do not remember when I first heard about this famous decision-making process. After so many calculations, so many consultations with my friends, the day before the deadline at ASU, I decided to flip the coin.
The first three flips, two no’s, and a yes.
I tried another three flips. Now I had three no’s and two yes’s.
Another three flips and the answer is still the same: No!
I should not go to the US.
After a few games of basketball with my friend Ji, we went for a drink afterward.
He said to me, “You will be fine! You have some rare qualities that most of us don’t have!”
He motivated me a lot. That night, I dreamed for the first time in a month.
“You are just scared!”
“You are scared of the consequences!”
“You are scared of loss and failure!”
“You are not even as good as you were when you are 10 years old. The small child who had the courage to challenge himself.”
I woke up early with renewed energy and vigor and ran fifteen miles in two hours.
As I ran, these thoughts filled my head:
“I am a coward!”
“I am just afraid of the challenges and uncertainties!”
“I just don’t want to pay the cost to get something I want!”
“If I want to grow, I have to challenge myself with a big goal.”
I felt better than I had in a long time. I knew what I had to do.
After a good shower, hot coffee, and a discussion with my supportive wife Summie, I sat down in front of my computer, and responded to ASU:
“Yes, I accept your admission offer.”
Years later, all of the wonderful people I’ve met since coming to the US tell me,
“J, you are the dude without fear!”
As you can see, that is not true. Everyone has some fear in their lives, but fear can be overcome with determination. Once you’ve made that decision to beat your fears and reach for your dreams you will realize that those fears are not as bad as you had built up in your head.
Humanity cannot advance with conventional leaders, but we need people who are willing to take risks and fearlessly guide others. In a turbulent world like today, we need more fearless leaders.
Even in these uncertain times, you can be a fearless leader. All you need is a little help from your friends or HOOP.
Happy Thanksgiving! Be safe! Be Happy! And EAT!!!
